You are my last

You are my last. The very last baby I will have.  The chapter of my child bearing years has closed, and you were our grand finale. Yea, I prayed and wished away the pregnancy phase. (I just don't do pregnancy well although I adore the outcome.) This last go around was a seriously rough ride at the end, but I got you. Our sweet completion. And so begins a bittersweet journey of watching you grow up as the very last baby I will have. 

Now I love, LoVe, LOVE the baby stage. Infants are just my thing. I don't get too wrapped up in the hard sleepless nights. I, by the grace of God, have a abundant milk supply and after our firstborn really got the hang of breastfeeding right out of the gate. A fussy baby doesn't get me in knots. Walking the floors, rocking and swaying my babies to sleep on my shoulder while they cuddle into my neck is just the beat of my heart.  You, darling, love a good snuggle and the gentle movements of walking and swaying to lull you to sleep. For that I am grateful as you are the one I will walk, rock and sway last. 

You are on your journey of firsts. First smile, first laugh, first roll, first food, first crawl, walk, run and so much more. It's the last of the firsts for our family. Gloriously joyful and yet bittersweet. 

Being a mommy is hard, unyielding, and yet magical. Everyone's journey in motherhood is different.  Each one of you & your siblings are unique and require something different from me.  I pray everyday that I get it right more than I get it wrong. I am SO very grateful to have four amazing children who bring so much to my world making it exciting, chaotic, challenging, purposeful and overflowing with love.  I know they are a gift from the Lord to be treasured. 

As I struggle with my heart this last day of maternity leave, I am trying to give myself some grace. I am so very thankful to have had the time off to spend with you and each of your siblings. It's precious time I will forever treasure.  With you being the last, you now have a mommy who has learned through time and age to savor moments, document them through photographs, who works to provide for our family but also to be present in each of you & your siblings lives to mother you all the best way I know how,  learning more and more everyday. I have the gift of knowing that you are my last baby which has helped me treasure and soak up each second even more. Some mommies don't realize the chapter has closed and passed until later down the road. Time has a way of steamrolling by before we realize it. My goal is to not get to caught up in the chaos and to treasure all the moments while I have each of you to mother.

So, sweet baby, know you are my last. Please have grace with mommy when I hold you a little longer, kiss you one more time, tear up all while smiling as you discover, explore and accomplish so much in life. It will happen with all four of you, those tears of joy, but with you a little more as you, my darling, are my last little babe to love, to mother and to adore.